Remembering… nine years later…

“Sitting vigil” and “active death” were unfamiliar terms for me… until nine years ago. My mom had been battling cancer, and now these strange, new, unwelcomed, frightening concepts had crept into our vocabulary and our experience. Thankfully, hospice nurses were educating my husband, siblings, and me to understand what the body goes through as it shuts down and eventually stops. When death claims one’s loved one.

It often felt like this journey was someone else’s… should be someone else’s. It couldn’t possibly be mine. My mom had always been there for me, my greatest cheerleader. My dad had predeceased her, and so with her death — well, now I’d be an orphan.

When I started this blog two years ago, it was in honor of my mom. And so, on this — the ninth anniversary of saying our final farewells — it only seems appropriate to once again turn my thoughts to her.

In the early weeks and months after her passing I journaled. A LOT. Putting my thoughts, my often-conflicting emotions on paper helped me process what was going on in my head and my heart.

Grief.
It has no schedule, no timetable.
It has no right or wrong procedure, no instruction manual.
It comes at unexpected times —
as well as what might be considered “normal.”
It surprises one with its intensity, peculiarities.
It affects individuals differently.
It is deeply personal and mostly private.
It can be misunderstood by all save the one involved.
It hurts, it aches, it surfaces a myriad of emotions.
It has to be.

from my journal a few days prior to the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death … ” Thursday, August 20th”

In my initial blog (“Remembering my mom… August 31, 2021”) I shared how, through her death, I came to realize in a powerful way how God is always here for me… how He’s my biggest fan… how He always WILL be here for me.

I also began to see how “even though I no longer ‘hear’ my mom’s voice of encouragement, God often uses others to speak His message of hope and healing to my heart.”

Loss is hard. Gut-wrenchingly hard. Not only loss of a loved one, but also other losses in life — loss of a job, relationship, financial security, home. And as I shared in that initial blog, “ALL of us need to be reminded that God is rooting for us and wants to see us grow and prosper. No matter what time of day or night, HIS voice is ready and eager to reassure us of His love, His faithfulness, His commitment to us, His ability to make possible those things we deem impossible.”

Be that someone this week who can speak words of encouragement, words of hope and healing to another person’s heart. We desperately need one another — we were made for community, for relationships, not to be lone rangers — and together, we can have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”