It’s time to build a R.A.F.T.

It’s rainy season here in the tropics. We sometimes joke with friends that it’s time to build an ark — like Noah did centuries ago when the whole world flooded. Thankfully, we live on the fifth floor of our building. Thankfully, we also live a good distance from a river that does, unfortunately, overflow its banks somewhat regularly.

But my husband and I are needing to build a R.A.F.T.

A raft is usually a temporary structure. Not something built to last forever, but something to cling to in the midst of stormy seas. Often rudderless, it’s at the mercy of the elements. It gets one from Point A to Point B — not as swiftly as something more sea-worthy nor as quickly — but it still accomplishes its purpose and “lands” one on another shore.

The late David C. Pollack (see below) developed a tool to help people like us who are in the midst of transition. He came up with an acronym that we’ve used in past moves… and are needing to use once again.

R = Reconciliation

Reconciliation means to reconcile with people. To make relationships right. Sometimes we think that if we just put distance between ourselves and whatever person or problem we struggle with everything will somehow be better once we relocate. BUT… those unresolved issues move with us. Broken relationships don’t just magically disappear. Reconciliation includes needing to forgive others and to be forgiven. A LOT of factors play into this, but at least as far as it depends on me personally, I need to intentionally do what I can to make sure I leave with no relational “stuff” hanging over my head.

A = Affirmation

Affirmation is another way to say “show appreciation.” Acknowledging what others have said or done to encourage us, to help make our stay here meaningful is a win-win situation. Too frequently, words of appreciation aren’t verbalized until it’s too late for the intended person to recognize the role they played in making a difference in our lives — think of eulogies at funerals. But by being intentional in communicating our appreciation, our thanks we validate the other’s impact and let them know how much they meant to us. This can be done either verbally (in-person) or by writing a note — and the more specific the better!

F = Farewells

Farewells… goodbyes are never fun. In fact, I really dislike them (see below for a blog written two years ago). Saying goodbye includes two crucial parts. The first is saying goodbye to people, places, possessions. If at all possible, revisit places that hold special memories. Be sure to schedule time with friends. If you are needing to downsize and get rid of possessions, take pictures of your favorites, and then”gift” them to friends so that you can visualize them still being enjoyed.

The second key part is to allow others to “farewell” you. This often feels quite awkward — after all, not many people enjoy being the center of attention! And yet this is important as much for those who will be remaining behind as for those leaving. It helps to give both parties closure.

T = Think destination

One of the most difficult parts about leaving a place is that one is, of necessity, simultaneously thinking through a gazillion details regarding the move AND thinking about what happens next. It’s like having one foot firmly planted in your current location — where everything is known, familiar, comfortable — while the other foot is firmly planted… in mid-air!?! Where are we going to settle? How will it be different from where we currently live? How will it be the same? What kind of community/support system will we have there?

A good friend, who has gone through several major moves with her family, suggested that my husband and I do a “100-day countdown.” The idea is that each day — for 100 days before we leave — we write down

• One thing we are going to miss about living here.
• One thing we are looking forward to when we move to our next destination.

Good advice! Especially since it will help us focus on the positives.

Yes, we’re starting to build a R.A.F.T. We recognize that we’re in this strange in-between time of disengaging from here before re-engaging elsewhere. There undoubtedly will be stormy seas as we move from Point A to Point B , but our “raft,” although temporary, is vital to enable us to leave well… so that we can enter well… so that we can live well… and have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

Goodbyes… never easy