Author: cmmary2021

photo credit: notonthehighstreet.com

I was at sixes and sevens all last week. I couldn’t pinpoint the “why,” and yet irritability, a critical spirit, emotions all over the place… what on earth was going on?!? The more I tried to figure out what was going on the stronger the blahs seemed to grip my heart and mind.

Finally, I sat down with my husband and dumped all the “stuff” that was swirling around my mind. I didn’t realize until that conversation how several things had converged to contribute to the blahs...

… I was grieving my mom. December 8th she would’ve been 101… and so memories of being with her for her 80th and 90th birthdays, plus being her caregiver before God took her home eight years ago, plus reflecting on how she still impacts my life…

… I was struggling with perceived expectations of others regarding a Zoom meeting I was a part of. Because the call involved women around the globe and because we happen to live on the other side of the world from most of them (!!!) the call began at 9pm for me and was to go until midnight. I’m not a night owl, and so I had already told the organizers that I would need to bow out early… and yet I felt guilty. Like others would think, “Why can’t she suck it up — at least for a couple of hours?!” I’m a people-pleaser at heart, and so don’t want to disappoint others… and yet I’m learning that I have to guard myself from late nights, primarily because they’re a whole lot harder to recover from at this stage of life! And so I bowed out early — and yet still felt guilty.

Sometimes it takes a while for me to get to the REAL reason that something is bothering me, and thankfully, my husband — after years of practice and lots of patience! — accepts this about me. Because then the REAL reason, the BIG blah factor surfaced…

I miss being with our kids and families for Christmas!!!

Yep. That’s the biggie.

We have lived overseas a long time, and so we have rarely been with our families for the holidays. Granted, we have always included others in our Christmas festivities wherever we have lived — even before we got married! When we graduated from university (on the East Coast) each of us moved to the West Coast: my husband to go to seminary and I to start working with a Christian organization. Neither of us could afford to fly back East for Christmas, and so we gathered some friends for Christmas dinner… and now, all these years later, we’ll be doing that exact same thing again this year!

And yet missing our kids and families…

I’ve been mulling over why this is such a big deal. After all, we definitely aren’t the only ones who are in this predicament at Christmastime. Some actually choose to not be together with family, and then there are folks like us who are unable to do so.

I think at least part of the reason is that we were created — are wired, so to speak — for relationship. That’s why God invaded history over 2000 years ago so that He could walk among us. So that we could figure out who He is and understand how much He loves us and longs to have a relationship with us.

Relationships are at the heart of Christmas!!! Not all the trappings (the decorations and music and parties, etc.) that make it such a beautiful time of year — even though I must admit I thoroughly enjoy that part! Not the gift-giving — although it has its roots in God giving us the gift of His Son. But the people. The relationships.

If you’re feeling rather “Bah… Humbug” about Christmas these days, look around and see if perhaps there are others you can come alongside to encourage. It doesn’t need to be complicated or costly — often a simple “How ya doing?” speaks volumes! And if you might have room at your table for another person or two, consider how opening your home — as well as your heart — can be the best gift this Christmas. And together, we’ll have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

Imagine being a young girl… a young girl engaged to be married. You are a God-fearer, a person who knows what the Book of the Law and the Prophets says about a promised Messiah. You, like all those in Israel, eagerly await Him.

Then, one day — literally out of the blue — an angel appears to you. His greeting is strange. Other-worldly. He calls you “highly favored” and says that “the Lord is with you.” You are troubled by his words — and rightly so! It’s not every day an angel comes to visit!

The angel reassures you to not be afraid. Easy for him to say! He emphasizes this by saying that “you have found favor with God.” And then he drops a bombshell: he says that you, young Mary, are going to have a baby… and you will name Him Jesus… and “He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High... His kingdom will never end.”

You may have been fearful before, but now add to that being totally confused. You and your fiancé have never had sexual relations… so how can you possibly have a baby?!?

And then you learn that God Himself will be the Father.

I don’t know about you, but I would’ve wondered if the angel was talking to the right person! Why me, I’d ask?!? Are you SURE God doesn’t have someone else in mind??

“Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)” by Amy Grant is a hauntingly beautiful song that is the songwriter’s attempt to convey what may have gone through this young girl’s mind and heart as she grappled with the incredible news that God had chosen HER to carry His Son, to be the human conduit to bring the Christ Child into the world.

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now

Do You wonder as You watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

“I offer all I am for the mercy of Your plan.”

Mary’s response to the angel was

I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.

Luke 1: 38

I wonder how different my life would be if I approached each day, each moment of the day with the same attitude as this young girl? If my focus was always that of being a servant… of being at the mercy of GOD’s plans, not insisting on mine? And especially at this time of year, when the busyness of the Christmas season can rob us of focusing on WHY we’re celebrating, how having an attitude of offering myself for others instead of being preoccupied with my own needs would impact those I rub shoulders with?

Wherever each of us may be in understanding and embracing the significance of this event — of the Christ Child being born into our world — may we continue to come alongside one another so that together we may have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

photo credit: emaze.com

“You’re grounded!” I don’t remember hearing those words when I was in high school — probably too much time has elapsed! But then again, I pretty much towed the line during those years. After all, my mom was a teacher, and if I ever did anything out of line, she heard about it pronto! University was different… but my parents weren’t around then when I did some “grounding-worthy” things!

Last week, though, being grounded took on a whole new meaning. My husband, who has always been quite active (runner, bicycler) experienced shortness of breath. He is also one of those who avoids doctors like the plague… and so when HE wanted to have this checked out, I knew something was serious.

After numerous tests to rule out anything heart-related, a CT scan revealed a blood clot in his lung. He started on blood thinner before we even left the hospital! We go back next week to get the results from a whole battery of blood tests to hopefully pinpoint the cause.

“No flying/traveling for three months,” said the doctor. In other words, “YOU’RE GROUNDED!”

Back in June I shared about a number of detours we had been experiencing during the time before arriving and then once we were in the US. Preparing to leave the US to return to Thailand wasn’t without some crazy complications as well (like my husband gashing his leg with a chainsaw two weeks before our departure)… but those are stories for later.

Once we returned to Thailand, we began the process of getting visas and making plans to visit some of the folks over in this corner of the globe who we hadn’t been able to see because of how COVID had put travel on hold for a few years. Now, thankfully, things are opening up and so we were eagerly looking forward to resuming travel and making numerous visits…

… but then we get the “YOU’RE GROUNDED” verdict.

Hmm… makes me wonder what in the world the Lord is doing!?!

This brings me to yet another meaning of being grounded … being grounded in the truth of God’s Word… and what He has to say about life when things seem to go all kerflooey.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and for good and not for evil or disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29: 11 (ESV and NLT)

Those two weeks before we left the US, beginning with the chainsaw accident and continuing with having our Philly to LA flight cancelled, having our credit cards blocked because of fraudulent transactions, being singled out by the “sniffer dog” at the LAX airport, and then accidentally leaving a laptop on the plane in Tokyo, breaking my toe when I collided with a suitcase in the middle of the night in a hotel in Bangkok… all of those things surfaced intense feelings of discouragement, despair, being overwhelmed, feeling like a failure.

In a word, they threw me off kilter. I definitely was NOT grounded! My wise husband reminded me that Satan used a similar strategy with Job: the ole one-two punch of having one thing after the other go wrong. His blood clot is one more attempt to throw us (me!) off, to blur our (my!) vision instead of being focused on the Lord and how He can use even blood clots to remind us of His love and how He is still in control.

And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.

Romans 8:28 (AMP)

Kind of ironic… in June I wrote that “as a follower of Christ, my final destination is heaven. This time on earth is a journey that God Himself is directing… and so if He chooses to have me zig and zag to get to my final home, then so be it!”

Those words are just as true today — as we’re processing what the Lord has in store for us while we’re grounded once again — as they were back in June. And as we cling to, focus on, and remind ourselves of the truths of God and His Word, may we seek ways to encourage one another to keep hanging in there when life throws us some punches! Then — together — we can continue to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

My love for being on the water was birthed as a young girl growing up where the Delaware Bay meets the Atlantic Ocean. Swimming, sailing, water skiing — Ah! Bliss!

My grandparents had a big home right on the Bay. They lived on the ground floor and rented out the upper two floors plus two more apartments in a “garage” building out back. The courtyard had an outdoor shower — a somewhat-futile (!) attempt to keep the apartments a bit less sandy — and also a picnic table and a tetherball for guests to use. When we kids weren’t on the beach/in the water we would often be batting around the tetherball.

It’s a simple game… one person hits the ball in one direction, the opponent hits it the other way. Whoever is the first to wrap the ball, which is attached to the pole by a long rope, around the pole is the winner.

I just want my life to ever be entwined with You

Tethered to Your heart….

from the song “Tethered” by Phil Wickham

This song was new to me when I listened to it earlier this week. But the image of being “tethered to [God’s] heart” has been swirling around my mind ever since then…

Lately it seems my life has been batted around in circles like a tetherball — somedays making progress, fixing my attention upon the Lord, having a (basically) good attitude, being encouraged and positive. But other days… feeling my “opponent” is going to emerge the winner.

The “detour” we’ve been on these past weeks had an additional S-curve thrown in when my husband tested positive for COVID several days ago. Now, in addition to caring for my father-in-law (downstairs) I’ve been running up and down the stairs to care for my self-quarantining husband (upstairs). And I thought I was tired before!

True confession: during this time, I’ve binge-watched a Netflix series and pigged out on ice cream and chocolate — not the best ways to deal with stress, but there were those moments when I felt overwhelmed and at the end of my physical strength, times when I felt I deserved to indulge!

When I would think about being “tethered” to God … being “entwined with [God]” those thoughts would help keep me going during this crazy time. That imagery encouraged me to think of how firmly I am “attached” to God — not because of anything I do or don’t do, not whether I’m tired or refreshed, not if my attitude has been good or raunchy– but simply because of being His child, born of His Spirit when I was a university student.

In those childhood tetherball games, I remember how sometimes the ball would wind in one direction, unwind, then wind again — umpteen times! The victor finally emerged when the ball was no longer moving, but rather had wound so tightly that it was one with the pole.

The songwriter goes on to say:

What more could I desire

What greater thing to treasure

I’m convinced there’s nothing better

Than living in Your love

Caught up in the wonder

Of being in Your presence

Of knowing such a friendship

To be with You, my God

And everything I am

God, I throw into Your hands

Phil Wickham, “Tethered”

May that be the state of my heart... firmly entwined with my Savior, being one with Him, no longer being batted around by who-knows-what (!!!) in this life. And may we come alongside one another to help still the back-and-forth batting of “balls” that can knock us off our “game.” And by doing so, may we together have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life.”

I came across some wise words today…

One tree can start a forest;
One smile can begin a friendship;
One hand can lift a soul;
One word can frame the goal;
One candle can wipe out darkness;
One laugh can conquer gloom;
One hope can raise your spirits;
One touch can show you care;
One life can make the difference.

Be that ONE today.

The past few weeks, as my father-in-law has been diligently working with occupational and physical therapists to regain mobility after surgery, I’ve seen yet another facet of the power of one… the difference an individual’s determination and perseverance make.

Dad will be 93 in August, and yet his therapists have often remarked how his “stick-to-it-iveness” surpasses that of others half his age! He won’t quit but keeps pushing himself with the goal of returning to the way he was before a fall (nothing broken, thankfully!) led to surgery (for a pre-existing condition) that led to several weeks in a rehab facility and then coming home and adjusting to new capabilities and limitations… at least for the time being!

And that’s where the power of one comes into play… none of us can do the hard work of recovery for him: not the therapists, not his children (which includes my husband), not even yours truly — although we all wish we could do something to help, to make things easier for him, to make sure he doesn’t fall or somehow injure himself. Sometimes our “helping” actually has the opposite effect, to be honest. We can get in the way, especially when we project our own ideas on him.

The power of one has also been evident when observing the difference a phone call or visit can make. Or having something to look forward to.

The book of Proverbs — often referred to as “Wisdom Literature” in the Bible — says that “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Or, more poetically, “Winsome words spoken at just the right time are as appealing as apples gilded in gold and surrounded with silver.” (see Proverbs 25:11)

What we say matters. Really. Our words have the power to encourage, to build up, to bring hope and refreshment… or they can destroy, tear down, sow discouragement and discord. Sometimes it’s better to not say anything than to say something harsh or hurtful… and then live with regret because those words can never be unsaid.

A smile, a hand, a word, a laugh, a touch… all of these can, as the wise words shared earlier, begin a friendship, lift a soul, frame the goal, conquer gloom, show you care.

May we all seek to be the one who makes a difference in someone else’s life… and as a result, together we can have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life.”

Oh, we were SO excited to finally be visiting the States!!! Three years of only seeing family and friends on Zoom or WhatsApp calls, wanting to give real IN-person hugs, looking forward to pigging out on corn on the cob and other summertime favorites…

Detour #1 came when I tested positive for COVID several days before we were to leave Thailand for the US. Prior to that we had been jumping through numerous hoops in our annual visa renewal process. Every year it seems another hiccup emerges as we navigate the necessary bureaucracy. My husband needed an affidavit from the US Consulate “proving” that we’re married. No problems there! Then we needed a letter from our Thai bank verifying we had sufficient funds in place for our particular kind of visa. No problem there — almost! The bank was closed because of COVID. Thankfully, the very day we needed said document it was open. But then I tested positive…

Detour #2 came once we got to the States. (As an aside, the day before flying both of us tested negative for COVID, which gave us “permission” to make the long journey homeward.) A few weeks after arriving in the US my father-in-law had a fall. Thankfully, nothing was broken! But the fall surfaced a pre-existing condition that required surgery… then rehab… then returning home and in need of care. My husband and I then became caregivers. Not exactly what we had foreseen for our time in the States.

More than once in the “COVID season of my life” it became evident that God was wanting to help me realize I’m not in control. Duh. Why on earth did I ever think I WAS in control of anything?!? And so I had thought I pretty much had a handle on that reality… until this most recent event. Now, all our plans to visit family and friends all over the US (normally we make a 5-6 week road trip for that purpose) got thrown out the window. And once again I was reminded that I’m not in control.

“… your agonizing, unplanned detour is not a waste — not if you look to the Lord for His unexpected work and do everything in His name.”

John Piper in Solid Joys, May 25th

Yes, this is a detour in our plans… and yet we are SO very thankful that God arranged for us to be in the States at this particular time! We’ve been learning a lot in our new roles, both we as caregivers and Dad learning his new capabilities and limitations. And yet, as Piper says, this detour is not a waste but rather an opportunity to engage in “unexpected work” that, in all honesty, can at times can be challenging, frustrating, and confusing. But ultimately, GOD is the One in charge of where we go, what we do… ALL of our days! And so we rest in knowing that HE is in control… and then the “unexpected work” actually becomes something quite rewarding. A privilege.

We keep having detours… like days when the internet isn’t working and I get bent out of shape because I can’t do what I need to do– when I want to do it. (Harkens back to the ole “being in control” theme, wouldn’t you say?!) Or when the car battery dies… or when I struggle with a critical spirit because of unrealistic expectations of others… or…

Ultimately, as a follower of Christ, my final destination is heaven. This time on earth is a journey that God Himself is directing… and so if He chooses to have me zig and zag to get to my final home, then so be it!

As I remember this truth, then I can’t help but have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!” But I forget this from time to time… and so may we help each other to remember, to keep things in perspective, to keep our focus on the One who can keep us on the right path.

I’m a criminal.
I deserve to die. I’m getting what I deserve with this cruel, painful death.

And yet this man beside me…
∗ He’s no criminal!
∗ I heard Him say, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Who is this “Father” He’s talking to? I don’t see anyone in the crowd that he’s beseeching…

And then the others, those gawking at our agony, those self-righteously judging us, those who by their very consent are agreeing to our guilt…
∗ Aren’t some of them the religious rulers of this land?
∗ Is this what their religiosity looks like?
∗ Why do they taunt this man? Why do they seem to hate Him so?

Why do they say among themselves, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ of God, the Chosen One”?
∗ What are they talking about?
∗ What do they mean that “He saved others”?
∗ What do we – what do I – need saving from??

And this claim to being the Christ of God, the Chosen One… why would that doom this man to death, this excruciating death? He
hasn’t done anything that deserves death – not like me.

Even the soldiers are calling Him “King of the Jews.”
∗ And yet they mock Him with that title.
∗ There’s no respect in their insults. If He indeed is a King, He surely doesn’t look like one as He hangs bleeding, disfigured here beside me.

And what does it mean that He is “King of the Jews”?
∗ If He is a King, why on earth is He being killed? What crime did He commit?
∗ He’s getting what He doesn’t deserve – I’m getting what I do deserve.

This makes no sense.

If there truly is a God….
If this man is the Messiah, the Chosen One…
Then it hardly seems fair…

I’m about to die, just like He is.
I can’t do anything now to erase, to change my past.
I can’t do anything good, as I hang here in agony, to try to win His favor…

If He is who He says He is, is it enough to simply ask Him…
to ask Him to remember me when He comes into His Kingdom?
I’m not even sure what that means, but it evidently is important enough that He willingly – yes, willingly – is going to die for it.

Jesus, remember me.

“I tell you the truth, today you will be with Me in paradise.”

Luke 23: 43

May the reality of what the robber on the cross experienced become true for you as well.

A few weeks ago I was mulling over how to respond to the question “What is one area you would like God to grow you in this year… and why?” The old Irish hymn Be Thou my Vision somehow immediately came to mind.

“Be Thou my vision… my best thought… my wisdom… my true Word… my battle shield… my sword for the fight… my dignity… my delight… my soul’s shelter… my high tower.” An Irish saint named Dallan Forgaill used these images, which were later translated and put into verse, to express his prayer that Christ will be our vision.

When life is confusing and full of challenges; when I feel overwhelmed or inadequate or insecure; when conflicting emotions make me second-guess myself or others — or even God… oh, how desperately I need for HIM to be my vision, my focus!

When my mind conjures up worst-case scenarios; when anxious thoughts cause fear, panic, wrong thinking; when memories from past failures and mistakes vie for attention… how desperately I need for GOD’s thoughts to rule my mind!

When faced with decisions; when wondering how to deal with the uncertainties of life; when life isn’t as black or white as I would wish… how desperately I need GOD’s wisdom to direct my paths!

God’s Word, which is both a shield and a sword, is what I need on a daily basis. He is the source of my dignity. He is my delight. He is my shelter and the high tower where I can find refuge.

The song ends by saying…

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

That’s why I answered the question “What is one area you would like God to grow you in this year… and why?” with “I want God to grow me in having HIM be my vision — in whatever I’m facing in life.” Because then, and only then, will I be able to not get sidetracked. Whatever happens — or befalls, as the old Irish poem expresses it — GOD will be the One who enables me to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life.”

The first time I heard “Revelation Song” was in our little church in Romania. I was captivated by the haunting melody and the simple words that drew my heart and mind into the presence of the Lord. I had no idea until a few years later that it was actually written in English by Phillips, Craig, and Dean (all three have juggled dual vocations as both pastors and recording artists for more than two decades).

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

Holy, Holy is He

Sing a new song, to Him who sits on

Heaven’s Mercy Seat.

Holy, Holy, Holy

is the Lord God Almighty

who was and is to come

With all creation I sing Praise to the King of Kings!

You are my everything, and I will adore you!

Out of the blue this week I “happened upon” the story behind this song. One of the songwriters shared, “In uncertain times it’s easy for us to focus on the uncertainty of life and the things that we’re afraid of. In a sense, magnify whatever it is that we’re going through.

The Bible says, ‘Magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt His name together!’ (Psalm 37:3)… The unique thing about God is that when you magnify Him, instead of seeing flaws like you and I do when we look in a magnifying mirror, we actually see the greatness of God and we see the longsuffering, the mercy, the gentleness of our Lord.”

Hmm… made me think about the things in life I am currently magnifying/focusing on. One thing is hearing some hard news about health challenges facing a loved one. Another is decisions my husband and I are faced with as we plan a long-awaited trip to see family and friends. Add to that other decisions regarding job-related responsibilities… and then restoring a relationship that has been fractured… and then…

Whatever I start focusing on, magnifying in my life has the potential to derail me. I can start obsessing about all the what if’s, why’s, when’s. My joy is robbed when God’s rightful place as my focus is usurped.

Which brings me back to the songwriter’s reminder to

Magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt His name together!

Psalm 37:3

Choosing to refocus on God restores perspective, gives hope, provides peace. It’s how to not be anxious:

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 4-8 (NLT)

I’m not sure how all the unknowns in my life are going to play out, but I DO know that I can entrust them to God… and that’s how I’ll be able to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life.”