Tag: RAFT

Fare thee well…

photo credit: http://www.postermywall.com

Well, we made it. My husband and I have been back in our home country a week now. Moving from the tropics to a wintry climate, exchanging flip flops and shorts for multiple layers and yet still being cold… it’s an adjustment to be sure! A crackling fire on the TV screen gives the illusion of warmth and coziness. But hey, I’ll do anything I can to fool my body into thinking I’m warm!

The past two months have been a whirlwind of goodbyes, closing out bank and internet and phone accounts, selling our car, rehoming most of our possessions so that we could travel with only four suitcases (three of the four being overweight, but thankfully the airlines were gracious!), scurrying to be all done with packing and moving so that we could have our “boat days….”

When I took time a couple of days ago to reflect on all that has transpired, I realized that our current physical tiredness is partly due to jet lag — after all, there’s a twelve-hour time difference from where we lived to where we now are! But probably more of the exhaustion comes from fatigue. Decision-fatigue. Moving-fatigue. Goodbye-fatigue.

In other words, emotionally draining stuff.

Back in August I wrote about the importance of building a R.A.F.T. (see link below) The acronym refers to key elements to leaving a place well so that one can enter the next place well.

  • R = Reconciliation: making sure relationships are right.
  • A = Affirmation: acknowledging what others have said or done to encourage us, to help make our stay here meaningful.
  • F = Farewells: saying goodbye to people, places, possessions… AND allowing others to “farewell” you.
  • T = Think destination: thinking about what happens next.

My husband, who is an introvert and behind-the-scenes type of guy, wasn’t so sure about the farewell stuff. I didn’t nag or pressure him — really! He saw that it was important to me, and so acquiesced. Two events in particular ended up being a huge encouragement to both of us… and helped us to see the value of being “farewelled.” Those events provided a sense of closure to a major chapter in our lives. They helped us to say goodbye. To prepare mentally and emotionally for this next chapter. To leave well.

This made me wonder… are there any farewells in the Bible??? What, if any, similarities do they have with what we’ve experienced? What can I learn from their example?

When Moses was nearing the end of his life, his parting words to his protege Joshua were…

Be strong and courageous.

Do not fear or be in dread of [the people of the land he was going to conquer],

for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.

He will not leave you or forsake you.

— Deuteronomy 31: 6

When King David’s time to die drew near, he said to his son Solomon…

Be strong….

keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in His ways and keeping His statutes, His commandments. His rules, His testimonies…

— I Kings 2: 2-3

After Jesus’ death and resurrection, He appeared to His disciples before ascending into heaven and said to them…

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

— Matthew 28: 18-20

These farewells included…

  • encouragement to be strong… to be courageous
  • encouragement to not be afraid
  • a reminder that God would be with them… they wouldn’t be alone… He would never leave them or forsake them… He would be with them forever
  • instructions on how to live life according to God’s plans and ways

Yep. Farewells are important. They’re an integral part of life. They help us as we move from one country to another; from one job situation to another; from one season of life to another. From the familiar to the unknown.

We’re not sure what this new chapter of life will look like for us… but we ARE sure that we are not going it alone. That God is with us and will be guiding us. That He’s rooting for us and encouraging us to be strong, to be courageous, to not be afraid.

We’re ever so grateful that we have His Word — the Bible — to instruct us on how to live life according to His plans and ways. And that, dear friends, is how we’ll have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

It’s time to build a R.A.F.T.

It’s time to build a R.A.F.T.

It’s rainy season here in the tropics. We sometimes joke with friends that it’s time to build an ark — like Noah did centuries ago when the whole world flooded. Thankfully, we live on the fifth floor of our building. Thankfully, we also live a good distance from a river that does, unfortunately, overflow its banks somewhat regularly.

But my husband and I are needing to build a R.A.F.T.

A raft is usually a temporary structure. Not something built to last forever, but something to cling to in the midst of stormy seas. Often rudderless, it’s at the mercy of the elements. It gets one from Point A to Point B — not as swiftly as something more sea-worthy nor as quickly — but it still accomplishes its purpose and “lands” one on another shore.

The late David C. Pollack (see below) developed a tool to help people like us who are in the midst of transition. He came up with an acronym that we’ve used in past moves… and are needing to use once again.

R = Reconciliation

Reconciliation means to reconcile with people. To make relationships right. Sometimes we think that if we just put distance between ourselves and whatever person or problem we struggle with everything will somehow be better once we relocate. BUT… those unresolved issues move with us. Broken relationships don’t just magically disappear. Reconciliation includes needing to forgive others and to be forgiven. A LOT of factors play into this, but at least as far as it depends on me personally, I need to intentionally do what I can to make sure I leave with no relational “stuff” hanging over my head.

A = Affirmation

Affirmation is another way to say “show appreciation.” Acknowledging what others have said or done to encourage us, to help make our stay here meaningful is a win-win situation. Too frequently, words of appreciation aren’t verbalized until it’s too late for the intended person to recognize the role they played in making a difference in our lives — think of eulogies at funerals. But by being intentional in communicating our appreciation, our thanks we validate the other’s impact and let them know how much they meant to us. This can be done either verbally (in-person) or by writing a note — and the more specific the better!

F = Farewells

Farewells… goodbyes are never fun. In fact, I really dislike them (see below for a blog written two years ago). Saying goodbye includes two crucial parts. The first is saying goodbye to people, places, possessions. If at all possible, revisit places that hold special memories. Be sure to schedule time with friends. If you are needing to downsize and get rid of possessions, take pictures of your favorites, and then”gift” them to friends so that you can visualize them still being enjoyed.

The second key part is to allow others to “farewell” you. This often feels quite awkward — after all, not many people enjoy being the center of attention! And yet this is important as much for those who will be remaining behind as for those leaving. It helps to give both parties closure.

T = Think destination

One of the most difficult parts about leaving a place is that one is, of necessity, simultaneously thinking through a gazillion details regarding the move AND thinking about what happens next. It’s like having one foot firmly planted in your current location — where everything is known, familiar, comfortable — while the other foot is firmly planted… in mid-air!?! Where are we going to settle? How will it be different from where we currently live? How will it be the same? What kind of community/support system will we have there?

A good friend, who has gone through several major moves with her family, suggested that my husband and I do a “100-day countdown.” The idea is that each day — for 100 days before we leave — we write down

  • One thing we are going to miss about living here.
  • One thing we are looking forward to when we move to our next destination.

Good advice! Especially since it will help us focus on the positives.

Yes, we’re starting to build a R.A.F.T. We recognize that we’re in this strange in-between time of disengaging from here before re-engaging elsewhere. There undoubtedly will be stormy seas as we move from Point A to Point B , but our “raft,” although temporary, is vital to enable us to leave well… so that we can enter well… so that we can live well… and have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

Goodbyes… never easy