Tag: transitions

Fare thee well…

photo credit: http://www.postermywall.com

Well, we made it. My husband and I have been back in our home country a week now. Moving from the tropics to a wintry climate, exchanging flip flops and shorts for multiple layers and yet still being cold… it’s an adjustment to be sure! A crackling fire on the TV screen gives the illusion of warmth and coziness. But hey, I’ll do anything I can to fool my body into thinking I’m warm!

The past two months have been a whirlwind of goodbyes, closing out bank and internet and phone accounts, selling our car, rehoming most of our possessions so that we could travel with only four suitcases (three of the four being overweight, but thankfully the airlines were gracious!), scurrying to be all done with packing and moving so that we could have our “boat days….”

When I took time a couple of days ago to reflect on all that has transpired, I realized that our current physical tiredness is partly due to jet lag — after all, there’s a twelve-hour time difference from where we lived to where we now are! But probably more of the exhaustion comes from fatigue. Decision-fatigue. Moving-fatigue. Goodbye-fatigue.

In other words, emotionally draining stuff.

Back in August I wrote about the importance of building a R.A.F.T. (see link below) The acronym refers to key elements to leaving a place well so that one can enter the next place well.

  • R = Reconciliation: making sure relationships are right.
  • A = Affirmation: acknowledging what others have said or done to encourage us, to help make our stay here meaningful.
  • F = Farewells: saying goodbye to people, places, possessions… AND allowing others to “farewell” you.
  • T = Think destination: thinking about what happens next.

My husband, who is an introvert and behind-the-scenes type of guy, wasn’t so sure about the farewell stuff. I didn’t nag or pressure him — really! He saw that it was important to me, and so acquiesced. Two events in particular ended up being a huge encouragement to both of us… and helped us to see the value of being “farewelled.” Those events provided a sense of closure to a major chapter in our lives. They helped us to say goodbye. To prepare mentally and emotionally for this next chapter. To leave well.

This made me wonder… are there any farewells in the Bible??? What, if any, similarities do they have with what we’ve experienced? What can I learn from their example?

When Moses was nearing the end of his life, his parting words to his protege Joshua were…

Be strong and courageous.

Do not fear or be in dread of [the people of the land he was going to conquer],

for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.

He will not leave you or forsake you.

— Deuteronomy 31: 6

When King David’s time to die drew near, he said to his son Solomon…

Be strong….

keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in His ways and keeping His statutes, His commandments. His rules, His testimonies…

— I Kings 2: 2-3

After Jesus’ death and resurrection, He appeared to His disciples before ascending into heaven and said to them…

All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

— Matthew 28: 18-20

These farewells included…

  • encouragement to be strong… to be courageous
  • encouragement to not be afraid
  • a reminder that God would be with them… they wouldn’t be alone… He would never leave them or forsake them… He would be with them forever
  • instructions on how to live life according to God’s plans and ways

Yep. Farewells are important. They’re an integral part of life. They help us as we move from one country to another; from one job situation to another; from one season of life to another. From the familiar to the unknown.

We’re not sure what this new chapter of life will look like for us… but we ARE sure that we are not going it alone. That God is with us and will be guiding us. That He’s rooting for us and encouraging us to be strong, to be courageous, to not be afraid.

We’re ever so grateful that we have His Word — the Bible — to instruct us on how to live life according to His plans and ways. And that, dear friends, is how we’ll have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

It’s time to build a R.A.F.T.

Boat days…

 Photo from an exhibit at Mystic Seaport.

In bygone days — before travel by airplane became the norm — moving from one part of the world to another was done by ship. These journeys took weeks or even months. Not like the fast-paced travel we’re so accustomed to these days. Such a journey was fraught with numerous challenges, especially if one was prone to sea-sickness.

And yet there was a significant advantage that our modern era misses out on, namely the advantage of time. Time to adjust to no longer being in familiar surroundings. Time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. Time to process the myriad of emotions that accompany goodbyes, moving, facing an unknown future. Time to rest. Time to prepare mentally for the next chapter of life.

My husband and I are currently having what a friend described as our boat days.

We intentionally moved out of our home ten days prior to our departure (by plane — not by boat!) to our home country. We did this so that we would have time… Time to begin the adjustment process of leaving what has become familiar to re-engaging with what was once known but now different. Time to reflect on the past years — 46+ since we first left our home country — and contemplate what the future may look like. Time to process SO very many emotions as we’ve been saying goodbye to dear friends, to familiar places, to life and a lifestyle that will be redefined soon. Time to catch our breath and get much needed rest. Time to take long walks and talk about what has been and what will possibly be.

Yes, our boat days have been much-needed. A definite blessing.

And yet it struck me earlier today that in a sense we’re now homeless. Some of our belongings have already preceded us to our home country; others (four suitcases full — and I mean FULL!) will accompany us when we fly out next week. We don’t yet have a permanent home. That’s one of the things we’ll be figuring out in the coming year. So we’re in this crazy in-between time of no longer calling here “home,” not having a “home” to move into, not being sure where “home” is.

A recent song I’ve been listening to has been a balm to my soul during this time.

In His presence I’m home again.
My soul finds rest.
My soul finds friend.

In His Presence: Be Still and Know by Praise & Bars

In His presence I’m home again.

In God’s presence… I’m already home! And so where I am geographically, whether or not I’m in a house or apartment or camping in the wilds, whether or not I feel or am homeless… I’m actually already home! And because God never changes, will never give up on or forsake me, and is always faithful and looking out for my good I can rest in knowing that all will be well. All IS well.

And that, dear friends, is how I intend to continue having joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

The Big Purge…

Aarrrghhh… My LEAST favorite task when moving is going through the mountain of paperwork that “somehow” seems to accumulate. With only 31 days — YIKES!!! — until we hop on an airplane and leave this place that has been home for almost eleven years, I finally began tackling the dreaded project last week.

Yep. I confess. I’m both a procrastinator and a hoarder. Not a full-scale/all-out hoarder — just one who hangs on to receipts and travel itineraries and notes from phone calls and sentimental “stuff” and…. well, I think you get the picture!

My husband, on the other hand, is a minimalist. He’s the only person I know who has an EMPTY in-box on his computer. More than once, though, I’ve rescued him when he deleted an email he felt wasn’t important but had forwarded to me “just in case.”

Our first experience purging things was after we’d been married one year. We were moving from the Pacific Northwest to the East Coast of America in preparation for eventually moving overseas. We realized we couldn’t cart a lot of “stuff” around the world, and so agreed to get rid of things that both sets of parents had given us when we first got married — things that had taken up space in their homes up until our marriage, things like university textbooks, course notes, a drawing of “The Three Billy Goats Gruff” I’d done in third grade. I know. Pathetic, right?! One thing my husband PROMISED not to throw away was any correspondence between the two of us prior to getting married.

As we were throwing boxes of “stuff” into the landfill, three guesses what fluttered out of a box and into the air?!? A letter he had written me!!! Needless to say, I was not pleased… and he was in the doghouse for a while.

Now, all these years later, we have been doing the same thing: getting rid of “stuff” we no longer need. “Stuff” that literally would weigh us down — especially since we’re only taking four suitcases when we leave, and each can only weigh 23 kgs (50 lbs)!

Hmm… All this makes me think about other “stuff” in my life that may be weighing me down. “Stuff” that may hinder my ability to keep my focus on God. “Stuff” that robs my contentment and instead fuels anxious thoughts. “Stuff” that causes me to easily take offense and get irritable.

The writer of Hebrews in the New Testament of the Bible puts it this way:

… let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before this. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith… chapter 12 verses 1-2

Besides all the papers I’m purging, I need to do some personal purging these days: stripping off any and everything that may be tripping me up. Dealing with wrong attitudes and perspectives. Not making mountains out of molehills. Dealing with any sin that the Holy Spirit convicts me of.

Oh, the joys of moving! Thankfully, a time of purging is good — not just for our physical well-being, but even more so for us spiritually. And the biggest benefit — it’s one way we can continue to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

Empty shoes…

They were the first thing I saw when we returned to my parents’ home from the hospital. Returned home from sitting vigil with my dad the final hours before his death. Returned home to an eerie emptiness that sucked the life out of me.

Daddy’s empty shoes.

I remember the surreal feeling in the hospital parking lot with my mom, brother, and sister. We had said our final goodbyes. Signed all the necessary papers. Zombie-like, we walked in silence to the car.

I remember feeling like the world as I had known it had ceased. There was a disconnect when seeing others laughing, smiling, continuing on with life as though nothing had happened. Nothing earth-shattering HAD happened in their worlds, but in mine… April 25th would never again be “just another day.” It would forever be the day my Daddy died.

That was over twenty years ago, and yet recently I’ve been grappling with similar emotions.

We’ve been counting down from 100 days until our departure from Thailand. Forty-two days until we leave this place that has been home for almost eleven years. Forty-two days before moving to our home country. Forty-two days until we are no longer “expats living abroad,” which has been part of our identity since 1979.

We’re in that surreal in-between time of disengaging from life here before re-engaging in another country, our “home” country. It’s strange to be with friends as they talk about plans for the upcoming Christmas season — realizing we won’t be here to go to the Christmas markets (always a great place to find unique, homemade gifts), watch the play a local theater group puts on each year, attend our church’s Christmas breakfast and service, take in a special holiday concert. It’s strange to realize we will no longer be a part of normal life here.

Yep. Life goes on.

Without us.

This is, of course, natural. OK. It happens! But just like my dad’s death, the finality associated with any kind of change means loss. And loss necessitates that it be acknowledged. And grieved.

I’ve been spending quite a bit of time lately reading and meditating on Psalm 121. Six times in this short psalm the word “keeps/keeper” is used:

… He who keeps you will not slumber.

…. He who keeps Israel with neither slumber nor sleep.

… The Lord is your keeper…

… The Lord will keep you from all evil;

… He will keep your life.

… The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

When something is repeated frequently it makes me wonder why. What’s the significance of the word “keeper/keeps”?

“Keep,” in this context, comes from the Hebrew “shamar.” It has the idea of guarding, watching over, attending to carefully.

What an encouragement to me at this stage of our journey to be reminded that my God is guarding me, watching over me, attending carefully to me. He never gets tired. He never sleeps. He’s ever attentive and wants to protect me. He knows my comings and goings — both here and elsewhere. He is with me in ALL of the uncertainties, the changes, the challenges I face.

As I’ve been doing the “100-day countdown,” I’ve been listing things I’m going to miss living here in the tropics and things I’m looking forward to as we move to our home country (see blog post below where I first shared this idea). What’s been happening lately is that several things in the “miss” column have had their flip-side in the “looking forward to” column. For example, missing routine is paired with looking forward to reestablishing routine; missing familiarity with looking forward to eventually having things be familiar again — with an emphasis on the word eventually!

In the midst of change and the disconnect we’re now experiencing, I’m grateful that my husband and I are focusing on and clinging to the One who is the keeper of our souls. Some days my husband does better than I… other days I’m reminding him… but together we’re choosing to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!” A journey that has ups and downs, to be sure. But a journey in which God will continue to guard, watch over, and attend carefully to our steps.

It’s time to build a R.A.F.T.

Note to my 20-something self…

photo credit: http://www.marketplace.com

We’ve begun the season of “lasts”… tonight being our last Zoom call with colleagues — some of whom we have known for decades. We’ve been asked to share our answer to the following question:

If you could leave a Post-it note of encouragement or advice taped to the suitcase of someone just arriving overseas, what would it say?

Hmm… GREAT question! One that took me back to when my husband and I were in our late 20’s preparing for our overseas adventure. We were excited! Scared! A bit naive — to put it mildly! And yet somehow confident that this HUGE step of faith was exactly the one God had in store for us. We had been married not quite three years, and so the adjustments awaiting us were more than we could’ve ever imagined.

So… what would I share with my 20-something self???

Give yourself — and others — GRACE and SPACE.

GRACE… because you WILL make mistakes. You WILL fail. You WILL be disappointed — in yourself and others. You WILL say and do things that you’d never imagine yourself saying or doing! (remember my stolen milk bottle story?! see below) God will undoubtedly reveal parts of your character that need pruning… pruning so that other, possibly hidden, parts may come to the surface and be nurtured. Pruning of “stuff” that clouds and distorts His image being accurately revealed in your life.

SPACE… to regroup. To think. To process. To re-charge. To unplug from everything that is vying for your attention. To regain perspective. Emotional stuff drains and blindsides us. KNOW that this happens… and so give yourself grace and space to embrace what’s going on and respond accordingly.

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6

“Do not lean on your own understanding”… don’t try to figure everything out!

“In ALL your ways acknowledge Him/seek His will and His ways”… After all, God is God! HE is in control — not you! Make getting to know Him better your number one priority.

Yeah, I know. This will never fit on a Post-it! But it’s what I would say to someone beginning their overseas adventure. And it’s how they — and we — can have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

Me?!? …. A thief?!?

One-way ticket…

photo credit: author

The first time I bought a one-way ticket was eleven years ago. My mother had been battling cancer and was now beginning home hospice care. I bought my ticket not knowing if it would be days, weeks, or months … only knowing I wanted to be there with my siblings to help care for her. A little over five weeks later we said our final goodbyes.

The second time was a few weeks ago when I booked tickets to our home country.

Both times, booking one-way tickets announced a finality that was — and is — hard to grasp. Both underscored that saying goodbye to people, to relationships forged over a lifetime or even those newly made is fraught with a myriad of conflicting emotions. Both accentuated the end of an era. Both were inevitable.

Booking those tickets a few weeks ago was yet another reminder that change is in the wind. That a LOT of unknowns await us. And yet at the same time, God keeps giving little glimpses into how He is going to guide and provide. Glimpses that greatly encourage my heart!

Yeah. I have my ups and downs. Good days and bad. Days when I feel overwhelmed, stuck. Days when I’m critical of everything and everyone — including myself. Days when I’m so tired I can’t think straight.

But also days when I’m refreshed by spending time with friends. Days when the beauty of this place and my morning serenade by tropical birds nurtures my soul. Days when God’s Word hits home in a way that helps me regain perspective.

Journaling has been a lifeline for me since my university days. It helps me think, process what I’m going through as I try to capture in words what’s happening in my soul. It helps me understand myself better, as well as helps point me to the things I know are true, things I need to cling to. It has become increasingly important during this in-between time of transition.

We will be moving to a new country.

Not “back home.”

To a place that has a familiar feel
– that is filled with memories of bygone days
– that is peopled by folks related by blood
and by life experiences.

And so we will go as learners
– observing thru the lens of first-time vistors
– recognizing that we will undoubtedly
make mistakes as we
navigate cultural changes
– needing to embrace the awkwardness
that comes when others
don’t know how to relate to us —
and vice versa
– finding our voice, our new identity —
while simultaneously striving
to remember what GOD says
about who we are is what is most important.

A learner is
– eager
– unafraid
– has no pre-conceived ideas —
or, more accurately,
is willing to lay them aside
– sees a gap in one’s knowledge
and is intentional in accurately filling that gap
– willing to admit mistakes,
especially where unchallenged/former
ideas or perceptions are concerned
– hopeful!
– childlike in faith
to embrace unknowns
– not trying to prove anything
– someone with a freshness that is contagious,
that inspires others
– not in competition with anyone
– one who infuses worth and
value and
respect in others.

A change in perspective.
A change in focus.
But a necessary one.
Thank you, Lord!

from my journal, June 23rd

I’m not sure where we were flying from (or maybe to??) when I took the above photo, but it symbolizes hope for me. Billowy clouds cover the land — and yet all that is hidden under their cover becomes clear, visible, alive once the plane begins its descent. A rising sun peeks above the horizon announcing the start of a new day.

We’re flying above the clouds now, metaphorically, as we prepare to move to our home country later this year. What’s under the clouds is known — even though we can’t see it right now. A new day is dawning for us, which signals an exciting new chapter.

A new chapter. New beginnings. A reminder that we can continue to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!” no matter where we may land!

… and so it begins …

The first two suitcases — containing some things we won’t be needing until after we get resettled sometime next year — have made it safely to our home country, courtesy of two colleagues who were here last week for meetings.

I SO dislike this part of the moving process. Inevitable. Necessary. And yet another tug on my heart as reality hits home. Yes, this chapter of our lives is slowly closing. Another — yet unknown — chapter awaits us.

In going through stuff to send with our colleagues I came across a prayer I wrote and then shared at our local church several years ago. “Ironic” how apropos it is to us now …

Father, we come before You today
with grateful hearts …

Thank you …
– for these individuals we are honoring today
[those who were moving]
– for the many and varied ways they have served You
in this part of the world and here in our church
– for the lives that have been impacted by theirs
– for the relationships that have been forged
by doing life together
– that although this chapter of their life stories
is about to close
another is soon to be written …

During this time of transition …
give them grace
with others and with themselves
as they 
– face unknowns 
– make countless decisions 
– get overwhelmed
with the myriad of details
involved in change
– desire to leave here well
AND
enter this next phase of their lives well.

Help them as they re-settle
in their passport country
and deal with the ambiguity of
– knowing the language…
and yet feeling out of sync
– of not being sure where “home” is.

May this in-between time
remind them
that their true home is with You.

Provide friends for them
and a church home where they can belong
and build a new sense of community.

Give them safety in their travels
and good times reconnecting
with family and friends.

We also come before You
on behalf of those of us who remain here
and sometimes feel more acutely the absence
of those who have left.
– Help us, as well as those leaving,
as we grieve the emptiness
that results when transitions occur.
– Help us to acknowledge that no one
can ever replace those relationships.
– Help us to not build walls of protection
around our hearts —
but to be open to new people
You may be wanting us to get to know. 

May we not lose sight of who You are …
– Jehovah Jirah: the Lord will provide
– Jehovah Shalom: the Lord is peace
– Elohim: the Lord Most High,
stronger and mightier
than anyone or anything we may face
– El Roi: the strong One who sees,
which is a reminder that
we are never alone,
even when feeling lonely
– the Good Shepherd, the One who gently leads
– Abba Father

Thank you, Lord,
for how rich we are because of the people
You have brought into our lives!

Amen!

Yep. That prayer from seven years ago is still valid today … and even more so for my husband and myself now that we are the ones preparing to move in six months.

We are the ones needing to give each other — and ourselves — grace.

We are the ones making countless decisions and occasionally getting overwhelmed with the myriad of details.

We are the ones who want to leave here well… AND enter the next phase of our lives well.

And most importantly, we are the ones whose lives are richer because of all those who have come across our paths these past years.

It is because of God’s sustaining goodness and the countless people we’ve rubbed shoulders with that we’ve been able to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!” and will continue to do so as we face the future — whatever it may hold!

What’s robbing YOUR joy???

Dread. Sadness. Despair. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling stuck. Paralyzed.

Not a pretty picture. But a window into my soul these past days.

In a sense, it’s inevitable. To be expected. As we prepare to move back to our home country later this year, there is “stuff” we have to face. Have to work through. Add to that everything that is happening in our world these days… the overall picture isn’t very encouraging. Actually, it’s rather depressing and bleak.

And yet I’ve fallen into a dangerous trap. A trap that is robbing me of joy. Robbing me of savoring each day as the gift it’s intended to be. Robbing me of my focus. My perspective.

What I’ve subtly slipped into is focusing on

  • all my to-do lists.
  • the unknowns awaiting us.
  • deadlines.
  • expectations — mine and those of others (which often are unfounded).
  • listening to voices — real and imagined — that make me question myself. Make me question God.
  • digging up past mistakes.
  • rehearsing failures, which means not remembering victories, good things that happened.
  • what social media and the news has to say, which is a sure-fire way to get depressed!

I was sharing this malaise with my husband the other day, and he said something profound:

“God more fully understands our feelings than we do…. We need to be self-sympathetic instead of self-accusing… Despair over past mistakes is what Screwtape has on his clipboard for you, Mary.” [referencing C.S. Lewis’ book “The Screwtape Letters” that portrays Satan’s schemes to derail God’s people]

God more fully understands our feelings than we do

When the cares of my heart are many/when my anxious thoughts multiply within me/when doubts fill my mind/when I am upset and beside myself, Your [God’s] consolations/Your comforts cheer my soul/delight me/give me needed hope and cheer/calm me down and cheer me up.

Psalm 94:19 compiled from various versions

Hmm… this made me wonder… what do God’s consolations look like? How can they cheer my soul?

Reading Psalm 94 in its entirety gives some hints:

  • verses 9-11 remind us that God knows what’s going on! (“He who planted the ear, does He not hear? He who formed the eye, does He not see?”)
  • verses 17-18 remind us that God has shown His support of us already! (“If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence. When I thought, ‘My foot slips,’ Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up”)
  • verse 22 reminds us that God has already become our stronghold, the rock of our refuge.
  • verse 23 reminds us that someday He WILL surely judge all the injustices and wrongs in our world, in our lives.

As I ponder and focus on God’s character, the cares of my heart are reframed. In other words, what can seem overwhelming or a big deal shrinks when seen from God’s perspective. He alone sees ALL of my life. ALL of my days. My unknown (to me) future. My fears. My desires.

Yes, there are things that rob my joy — at least attempt to do so. And yet I’m endeavoring to be intentional in looking for the “consolations of God” to see how He may be working on my behalf to cheer my soul. To delight me. To give me much needed hope. To calm me.

I’ve written in my agenda — with large letters — “I choose JOY!” A visible reminder that every day, as I start each day — and numerous times throughout — I need to do whatever it takes to focus on things that won’t drag me down and rob my joy. I need to carefully choose what I listen to, what I watch, what I read. I need to limit (eliminate?) my exposure to social media and news. I need to be sensitive to others, to reach out to others — because that helps me to get my focus off me, myself, and I!

We’ll still be doing a lot of processing, a lot of grieving as we leave this place that has been home for over a decade. And disengaging here and preparing to reengage elsewhere will be fraught with a myriad of emotions… BUT…

God more fully understands our feelings than we do

… and focusing on what He says is true will be how we navigate this next season, enabling us to not get sidetracked by feelings of dread, sadness, despair; acknowledging that there will be times of feeling overwhelmed, but choosing to not dwell there; doing things that are emotionally-recharging when that stuck, paralyzed feeling kicks in. However imperfectly we do this — with some days being successful, somedays not — it will be how we’ll have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

The Oatmeal Crew…

It was the summer before I graduated from university. I was working as a chambermaid in a hotel at the beach. Every morning I would make a small bowl of oatmeal before heading off to work. Plain. Nothing added besides some milk… maybe a smidgen of brown sugar??

I shared the basement kitchen of an old hotel/now boarding house with a bunch of other college students. We didn’t have much money, and so were frugal regarding what groceries we bought.

About the same time each morning I was making my breakfast a bunch of guys were making a BIG pot of — you guessed it, oatmeal! One day they asked if I would like to share from their pot, which only made sense, right?! And so I became a part of the “Oatmeal Crew.”

That group became a very important part of my daily life. It helped me begin to understand the importance of community… of having a group of like-minded people to share life with… a group who was pursuing the same goal.

Fast forward to today… My husband and I have been talking through our upcoming move to our home country later this year. One of the key factors we’re considering regarding where we will relocate is community.

As Christ-followers, it will be important for us to find a body of like-minded people with whom to begin cultivating that sense of community. A church is a good place to start.

In addition, wherever we’ve lived over the years we’ve always been intentional getting to know our neighbors. People older and younger than we. People who believe differently… or don’t believe at all. People from all different walks of life, cultural backgrounds. Our lives have been enriched because of the many people we’ve rubbed shoulders with over the years. And so I’m anticipating that we’ll do this wherever we end up living!

We’ll also be looking for ways to plug in… to be involved in the lives of others. Ways to start building community.

We’re in a different season of life this time around. Our capabilities and limitations are somewhat different from when we first moved overseas 46+ years ago. And yet I’m encouraged by a lesson from the life of Christ.

Jesus and his followers were faced with a bit of a dilemma. A large crowd — at least 5000 — had followed them to the mountains. Everyone was hungry, but a few problems emerged.

First problem: there wasn’t a grocery store out there in the middle of nowhere where they could buy food!

Second problem: even if there were a store, how could they possibly purchase enough food to feed that many people?!

A young boy had five loaves of bread and two fish. Hardly seems like that could make a dent in feeding so many people! But miraculously, after Jesus gave thanks for this meager gift, not only was there enough food but also there were twelve FULL baskets of leftovers!

So… what’s the lesson for me?

Did it matter how many loaves of bread Jesus had? or how many fish? Nope. He took what the boy had and accomplished what needed to be done. All it took was a willingness on the boy’s part to offer to Jesus what he had.

… a willingness to offer to Jesus what he had…

At this season of life I may not have the energy I had in my 20s… but whatever I give to the Lord to use, He can use! What’s important is for me to be willing. To be willing to offer to Jesus whatever I have. To not try to out-think God (perish the thought!) regarding what I can and cannot do. (Yes, I have a tendency to do that. But I’m working on learning to more consistently apply the wisdom of the following…)

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Wherever we end up living, wherever we start building community, my desire is to use whatever gifts and abilities I have, whatever energy or lack-thereof I have, whatever resources (financial, spiritual, mental) I have to help advance God’s Kingdom here on earth. I’m trusting that God will take my loaves and fishes and multiply them according to His plans and purposes.

Sounds exciting, right?! And scary. But the lesson from the Oatmeal Crew continues to impact my life, especially since I ended up marrying one of the guys! Together, he and I are looking forward to whatever our future holds. Together, we’re anticipating that we’ll continue to have joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

PS You can read the story of the loaves and fishes in the New Testament book of John, chapter 6.

PS #2 To read more about the summer I was a chambermaid, see this earlier blog:

The danger of assumptions…

At sixes and sevens…

That’s the way today’s journal entry started…

Finding myself at sixes and sevens...

I got to thinking… what on earth does this expression actually mean?? How did it enter the English language?? I know how I was feeling… at odds with myself. Not sure what to do next. Not really in a funk… but… well, at sixes and sevens.

A little sleuthing, courtesy of Wikipedia, says at sixes and sevens is an English idiom used to describe a condition of confusion or disarray. It dates from the mid-1380s meaning “to hazard the world” or “to risk one’s life.”

Various states of confusion and risk are true of our household right now.

A few months ago I blogged about our “trifecta” (see link below). Several major decisions had converged upon our lives. One by one, clarity has come. One by one, decisions have been made. One by one, we’re moving ahead… into a new chapter of our lives.

That’s where confusion and risk fit in. My husband and I have made the decision to move back to our home country… after 46+ years of living abroad! We don’t have to learn another language, thankfully! But a LOT has changed — both in our home country and in our lives individually and as a couple — since we first moved overseas as almost newlyweds (we celebrated our third wedding anniversary a couple weeks after arriving in Europe a “few” years ago).

Uprooting and then resettling yet another time is filled with a myriad of decisions, emotions. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. Scary. Other times, exciting!

And then there’s a day like today… when I’m at sixes and sevens. After sharing our news with our families, we started spilling the beans to good friends. No one has been all that surprised — actually, they seem rather excited! But sharing this news face-to-face with someone yesterday and another friend today… well, the reality of this decision and all it entails keeps sinking in. Keeps becoming more and more real.

I’m already making mental lists of things I’ll miss living here in the tropics, like the daily serenade of birds I listen to each morning as I sit in my living room spending time with God. And mental lists of things I’m anxious about with our upcoming move, like WHERE will we end up living???

I’m feeling a bit like the Israelites that I’ve been blogging about lately. We’re on our own journey in the “wilderness” on our way to the “promised land.” The journey is fraught with detours, challenges, unknowns, potential misunderstandings.

Hmm… do you think God may have had me reading that portion of the Bible because He knew what was coming down the road for us?!? That there were lessons to be learned from the Israelites that would help me today?!? In the 21st century?!? I’m inclined to think YES!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened or afraid, and do not be dismayed [surprised, disillusioned, disappointed] for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

… in quietness and in trust is your strength… Isaiah 30:15

These are some of the things I’m focusing on during these topsy-turvy days. Things that I know are true. Things that will help me keep my focus on God. Things that will enable me to trust HIS plans — even though they aren’t all crystal clear to us yet! I’m confident that by doing so, there will be joy in the journey of this thing called “Life!”

Decisions, decisions, decisions…